


When Love's Around

by ic_rusfalls



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Destiel - Freeform, Episode: s15e18 Despair, First Kiss, M/M, its just fucking sad idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:07:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ic_rusfalls/pseuds/ic_rusfalls
Summary: Dean grabbed the black chair in front of him in a futile effort to steady himself. The fallen angel walked closer, his usual gravelly voice now losing that quality as he said things that ached in Dean’s soul. There was no way Dean was going to allow Castiel to sacrifice himself again for Dean. If he would just-“Shut up,” Dean growled, biting his lip in vexation as tears burned with a vengeance at his waterline.Castiel faltered, the beatific shine in his eyes dimming. “Dean, it’s okay. I- I know you don’t feel the same way but I just have to say it.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	When Love's Around

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of doing my homework, I challenge myself to write the saddest thing I've ever written. Go me, I guess. Also this isn't edited much at all so sorry for any mistakes? Welp.

Dean grabbed the black chair in front of him in a futile effort to steady himself. The fallen angel walked closer, his usual gravelly voice now losing that quality as he said things that ached in Dean’s soul. There was no way Dean was going to allow Castiel to sacrifice himself  _ again _ for Dean. If he would just-

“Shut up,” Dean growled, biting his lip in vexation as tears burned with a vengeance at his waterline.

Castiel faltered, the beatific shine in his eyes dimming. “Dean, it’s okay. I- I know you don’t feel the same way but I just have to say it.”

He wanted nothing more but to correct Castiel but there was no knowing what could summon the Empty so he glued his mouth shut, refusing to even risk a glance at Castiel. A terrible weight settled in his chest dropping past the floor leaving him hollow inside, void of feeling. He had an idea. There was no way this would work but he prayed to no-one in particular that it would. 

The part of his heart that did yearn for Castiel tried to muscle down the words that would break his heart. His jaw ached as if his mouth was filled with molasses but Dean only grit his teeth and worked it open.

“You’re-” Dean couldn’t summon the breath to deliver the blow. 

The room was spinning and his knees threatened to buckle under the pure devastation writhing throughout his body, flooding his veins. Dean tightened his grip on the chair despite how numb his hands already were. The doorway thud again, nearly splintering at the strength of Billie’s hand bringing Dean’s train of thought to a screeching halt. 

He met eyes with Castiel. His brows were furrowed, head tilted ever so slightly as he looked on at Dean with concern, so familiar and utterly Cas. The most damning thing about his expression was not the frown pulling at his mouth but the way his eyes embodied the experience of drowning. It reminded Dean of carrying Lucas Carlton out of Lake Manitoc so many years ago, but this time he would try saving Castiel by dragging him down. That was the only thing that mattered. Saving Castiel. Dean held onto that thought desperately, repeating it like a mantra. 

“Dean,” His name was whispered with overwhelming compassion and reverence. Like a prayer.

A warm hand-the very same hand that had once pulled him out of Hell- wrapped around his arm, calming the hurricane within. Dean could breathe. No matter how much Dean wanted to deny it, it felt like coming home. Cas is his home, a shelter from the storm.

“Cas,” Dean had spaced out, focusing back on Castiel and his vision cleared.  _ Save him. Save. Him.  _

“I lo-”

“Cas, no. You’re an  _ angel, _ ” Dean spat out the last word as if it was an insult. Glassy blue eyes stared back at him, swirling with hurt and confusion. 

He felt sick. It was reminiscent of the time Dean had to kick him out of the bunker again. Or even worse, like being a demon again where every word dripped with venom and sarcasm, uncaring of who got hurt. Maybe letting Castiel be truly happy for the first time would be better than saving him this way but Dean was selfish. He couldn’t lose Cas, not again. Not ever. 

“Angels can’t feel. Not really,” Dean forced a laugh out of his closing throat. He was stalling. “Did you really delude yourself into thinking you could? You’re not human, Cas. Did the dumbass angel fall in love with me?” 

Dean opened his mouth to continue his onslaught but stopped short when he saw Castiel. Despite looking the most broken Dean had ever seen him, it was as if Castiel was visibly picking up his own pieces and rebuilding them into a frail wall of resolution. This was not meant to happen. But then again, when did anything ever go to plan with him? A world of pain reflected in navy eyes, similar to the dark, miserable colour of a rip at sea but he only stood taller with his shoulders drawn back stubbornly. 

“Yes,” Dean’s jaw clicked shut, his stomach twisting and turning itself into knots. 

“This  _ dumbass _ angel did start feeling. I couldn’t- I can’t help it,” His voice cracked, holding back a sob. Castiel looked up at Dean before promptly tearing his gaze away. In a flash, he saw the helplessness within Cas and the tears pooling at his eyes. He had never seen him cry before and suddenly wished he never did. 

“Regardless of whatever you’re saying right now, it’s not just going to go away, Dean. I have felt this way for years and a few seconds isn’t going to change that,” Castiel gazed at his shaking hands and flexed them. “You think I wanted this? To feel as much as I do? Falling was agony. Both as an angel and...for you. Ever since I met you, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, I was falling. And there was nothing I could do about it.”

“Don’t! Don’t do this, Cas,” It was too late to take back what he said but he’d be damned if he was going to let Castiel finish this.

“Dean,” Castiel’s tone was tired, devoid of his previous determination. “Billie is going to get through that door and kill both of us. I have to do this because if I don’t, Sam and Jack will be fighting against Chuck. Alone. If they’re not already gone.”

“You can’t-” Dean choked out an objection, his mind frantic at the prospect of losing Cas. He ran a hand through his wild hair, pulling at it. The stinging grounded him. 

Castiel held one of Dean’s hands and thread his other hand through his hair, following the same path as Dean’s, soothing any pain left behind. He pressed even closer, trailing his hand to the back of Dean’s neck and pulled his head into his shoulder, wrapping him in a hug. The floodgates opened and a gut-wrenching sob wracked Dean’s body escaping in a shuddering heave.

“Don’t leave me, Cas,” Castiel only answered with a sweet kiss at his hairline. “Please.”

Another thud at the door interrupted their moment and Castiel slightly pulled back, scanning Dean’s face attempting to commit it to memory as if it wasn’t already. The pad of Castiel’s thumb travelled across his cheekbone and down to clasp at his jaw. A few more droplets squeezed out as Dean’s eyes fluttered close. Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s in the slowest, most adoring kiss ever imaginable, the angel’s tears mingling with his own. It was over too quickly. They separated reluctantly leaving only Dean’s arm desperate to keep a point of contact between them. 

In the dim lighting of the room, Castiel seemed to glow brightly as ever, he had never looked so angelic and human at the same time. He chuckled wetly, tears spilling from his eyes, trailing down his face. Still beautiful, still Castiel. 

“I love you, Dean,” Castiel sighed out with a watery smile. 

A terrible, sticky pattering sound emerged from behind him, Dean’s head spinning only to see the tar-like entity of the empty. At the same second, the door burst open revealing Death baring her teeth in a growl. 

They were out of time. 

“Cas, everything I said-”

“I know. Goodbye Dean.” 

With a shove, Dean was thrown to the ground watching as his best friend was ripped away from him. Cas was taken by the Empty along with Death itself leaving Dean feeling much the same. 

He had been tortured in Hell for years, beaten and bruised several times but nothing had hurt quite like this. He was getting shredded inside out, his soul screaming in anguish like a part of it had been torn away. The only thing he could do was cry as the world shattered like glass around him, the shards of his grim reality piercing into his heart. Much like a child, he curled up into a ball sitting against the wall and wept into his arms.

After what could have been minutes or hours, Dean spoke four words aloud to the barren room. 

“I love you too.”


End file.
